Elvis Gets Drunk
by elementalwarriorkellis
Summary: elvis gets drunk! jonathan gets drunk! grimshaw gets drunk! see how joanna reacts to this!


i dont own perfect dark nor their characters. this is just a story  
  
"i see you survived, agent dark," said jonathan."maybe you've got some  
  
actual talent," he smiled lazily at joanna's masked fury.  
  
"can i shoot him?" elvis asked,"he's a punk,"  
  
joanna agreed he was a punk. however, at the risk of losing her job, she let jonathan live...for now.  
  
"what's this, joanna?" elvis asked, gulping it down,"it's tasty."  
  
"vodka,"joanna supplied,"though i'm not sure you should-" she added lamely as elvis finished off the  
  
whole bottle."elvis shuddered.  
  
"can i have some more?" elvis asked.  
  
"elvis, i'm not sure you should-"  
  
"oh, let him have a little more," grimshaw slurred. he had been drinking before. his thoery on life was  
  
that alcohal made life intresting, and was therefore always up for another beer, no matter what time  
  
of the day it was.  
  
"he's had more than a little," joanna reported.  
  
"joanna, can i have some more?"  
  
ten beers later...  
  
joanna was amazed to see that aliens could get drunk too. elvis sloughed around, like any human.  
  
he could barely keep himself upright, and his grey skin had a greenish tinge. like some people elvis seemed to   
  
have loose lips.  
  
"whoa," said Elvis, eyeing Mr. Carrington."did you swallow a blimp or   
  
what?"  
  
Joanna and the others managed to smother their giggles, as Carrington   
  
turned red. he had always been sensitive about his weight. He resisted the urge  
  
to use Elvis' head as a punching bag.  
  
"sir, he's drunk," joanna explained.  
  
"grimshaw, do us a favor: whatever you do, dont talk. you sound like fran dresher on crack,"  
  
grimshaw was too drunk to be upset.  
  
"hey you!"said the mean guy in the hanger,he pointed a finger at joanna." it's your fault hes drunk!"  
  
"i banged your mother last night," said elvis to him.  
  
joanna and company snickered.  
  
"no matter what you do, its your fault," he said, taking his rage out on joanna.  
  
elvis took out a dy357-lx and shot him. nobody was upset over his death because he was a jerk. jonathan chose this moment to streak across the room naked.   
  
he had a little too much to drink. however he obviously felt he had to put in his two cents in. "agent dark," he said, enjoying  
  
her discomfort.  
  
"jonathan, put something on. you're not impressing anyone,"  
  
"she was impressed," he said pointing behind joanna. the woman who was in hacker central, waltzed   
  
in, drunk as could be. she was naked too.  
  
"joanna....what are those?" elvis said, staring at her chest.  
  
"they're called breasts. mothers use them to nurse their babies with milk,"  
  
"i call them jugs," said grimshaw. "they're fun to play with,"  
  
"joanna...get yourself some implants," grimshaw slurred. "i wanna see some big breasts!"  
  
joanna crossed her arms over her chest. she reminded herself he was drunk. "maybe you should get   
  
yourself a cup,"  
  
grimshaw, through some miracle, realized her intention,"you better not kick me in the nuts, you whore,"  
  
"oh, no, i wont KICK you there." joanna said. "maybe you'd respect me after i do this," she nodded to   
  
elvis. "elvis, shoot him in the penis."  
  
  
  
grimshaw screamed."you better not shoot my beautiful penis, elvis!"  
  
elvis was too drunk to aim carefully. the bullet grazed grimshaw's arm instead. "oh, hell," said   
  
joanna,"i'll do it myself,"  
  
joanna delivered a sharp kick to grimshaw, who bellowed. "damn you!" the pain was so great, he fainted.  
  
jonathan fainted too, for no particular reason. joanna thought up a brainstrom of an idea. she dragged  
  
jonathan's body over next to grimshaw's. she put jonathan's hand on grimshaw's crotch* jonathan was incredibly homophobic.  
  
elvis fainted too. maybe next time jonathan wouldn't be such an ass. she smirked as she dragged elvis' body next to jonathan.  
  
she put elvis's hand on jonathan's crotch.  
  
carrington walked over and gave joanna this face. all was well with joanna, who barely contained her giggles.  
  
* author's note: i got this idea from watching the simpsons. its the episode where mr. burns has  
  
the trillion dollar bill. please dont sue me. its just a story! 


End file.
